Making 'Change' Easy to Understand
Overcome the challenges with these seven steps - Issue #88 (7 min read)
{Note: Please read the Issue #87 to gain complete advantage of this issue}
Continuing from last week’s Issue # 87, we understand that bringing change can be hard. There are obstacles everywhere. And this is normal as our brain prefers stability and status quo. In this Issue, we will explore what are the ‘Change Traps’ and their possible solutions
The Change trap – Vague goals and motivation
I want to eat healthier.
I should be less stressed.
I’m trying to sleep better.
Each of these statements represents the way we usually approach change. We can sense that we generally want… something different. But that “different” is vague. Without that clarity, we are running a race without a finish line.
👉 The change fix: Clear, concrete, specific goals & reasons
What this looks like? Start the change process by clarifying exactly:
➡️ What you want? (i.e., a clear “definition of done”).
➡️ Why you want it? (i.e. what difference it will make for you); and
➡️ How you’ll know you have it or are moving in the direction of it? (i.e., your progress indicators).
The Change trap: Overly narrow, ‘Goal-Only’ lens
What this looks like?
You’ve got your specific goal and defined particular progress indicators. Excellent start! For instance, perhaps you’ve started with I want to sleep better, and distilled it into, I’d like to sleep an average of 60 minutes longer each night.
Specificity and a singular focus are great for goals. And we also must consider the complexity and context of our lives. If we only focus narrowly on that sleep plan goal, we might forget about that big project that is due tomorrow. So we may be using that pre-bedtime to finish some last-minute tasks. In my case, many nights my grand daughter does not sleeps and wants to hear stories. For me, telling her stories fulfils relational angle of my deep health.
👉 The change fix: Consider many factors using a deep health lens.
Review all the different dimensions of your life. Consider how they might intersect and influence each other.
Ask yourself: Which factors might realistically influence your pre-bed sleep goal? (Or any other goal?) Look for the things you can realistically and reasonably anticipate that will come up during the days/weeks you’re trying to do this thing.
The Change trap: Missing baseline
What this looks like?
Change is going from point A to point B. A missing baseline occurs when we skip the step of establishing a clear point A. In other words, we want to know - Where are you starting from right now? That’s point A. That’s the baseline.
Sometimes though, we don’t have enough objective data (like what we might get from a sleep tracking device, fitness watch). But we’ve got general ideas. We think we’re sleeping 8 hours per night, until our sleep tracking device helps us realize it takes over an hour for us to fall asleep, so we’re averaging closer to 6 hours.
👉 The change fix: Establish a clear baseline.
Establishing a clear baseline helps us:
Neutrally evaluate what we might want and need to change.
Set reasonable, achievable goals and time frames.
Build a plan that takes our current circumstances into account.
The Change trap: Ambition overload
What this looks like?
So you are measuring all your macros, maintaining large spreadsheet of your workouts, writing down your dreams for your REM sleep. Now, let’s be honest, for a moment: That’s a lot of stuff.
And you must have experienced in the past that whenever you have made an ambitious plan to overhaul your life last time, mostly it didn’t work.
When we feel frustrated or stuck in our current situation, making a complex plan filled with elaborate actions can provide us some temporary relief. And our brain has several cognitive biases that prevent us from judging the future accurately. There’s a powerful, instantaneous comfort that comes with overloading our future self.
The problem with this is:
➡️ Big, complex, elaborate plans often don’t fit into our already busy, complex, elaborate lives.
➡️ We under-estimate how many smaller tasks are hidden in the bigger plans.
➡️ We likely haven’t set realistic targets nor realistically assessed what we can do
The result?
➡️ We start the (impossible) plan on a high. This time it’s going to be different!!
➡️ We (predictably) stumble.
➡️ We (almost inevitably) are unable to do it. (And, because our ambitions were so big, and our thinking so all-or-nothing, we ignore all the small victories we might have had along the way.)
➡️ We blame ourselves, our personality traits, our “willpower”, or our “discipline”, and build an exhausting mental story about how we “struggle with consistency”.
👉 The change fix: Prioritising, unpacking, and being realistic.
What this looks like?
We can do all the things. We just can’t do all the things… all at once. So, effective change means being able to realistically:
identify all the tasks, trade-offs, and commitments involved;
prioritise what matters, and
figure out what to do first.
This means prioritising:
Simple actions over complex ones.
What works over what’s ideal.
Progress over perfection.
Self-compassion over critique. (In other words, kindly accepting what is true about our lives, rather than harshly judging ourselves for things not looking exactly like we want them to.)
The Change trap: Indefinite action
Consider the last time you adopted a new habit.👇
Did you allocate a specific timeframe to assess its effectiveness? And did you create a process that provided feedback for evaluating your progress and determining necessary adjustments?
For instance: Imagine you were motivated by the benefits of exposure to early morning sunlight and decided to incorporate brisk morning walks into your daily routine to enhance your sleep quality.
Scenario A: You commit to walking every morning for the next two weeks, after which you will re-assess the habit.
Scenario B: You don't set a clear timeframe; instead, you decide to try it out and observe its impact.
During the initial three days of practicing your new habit, you don't notice any improvement in your sleep.
In Scenario A, you continue following your plan. Once you surpass the initial three-day phase, falling asleep becomes much easier. Moreover, you find it increasingly effortless to wake up.
In Scenario B, since you didn't establish a designated time for evaluation, you give up and cease your morning walks after three nights. Consequently, you never uncover the truth that the walking habit works.
The approach of "try it out and see if it helps" fails to address two crucial aspects:
The reasonable duration required to witness noticeable changes.
A specific period that serves as a feedback loop to inform future decisions.
👉 The Change Fix : Defining a clear timeframe and realistic feedback loop
To overcome this trap, we must predefine when we will make decisions regarding our behaviour. Furthermore, when initiating a new behaviour, we should establish a fixed date for re-assessment and evaluation.
This time frame should consider various important factors, including:
Our starting point or baseline.
The dynamic and unique circumstances in our lives.
The realistic duration required to observe the effects of the desired change.
The Change Trap: Caught in a Cliffhanger
Imagine finding yourself in a situation where change is desired but remains perpetually uncertain. Consider this scenario:
You embark on a journey to transform a particular aspect of your life. However, you don't establish a clear end point or define the milestones along the way. As the days pass, you encounter various challenges and obstacles that hinder your progress. Without a pre-determined destination or feedback mechanism, you're left in a perpetual state of suspense.
Imagine Milkha Singh in the movie Bhaag Milkha Bhaag. A determined underdog athlete fights their way back to glory following a debilitating injury and exhaustion.
They diligently focus on his recovery by optimising his nutrition, sleep, and restoration routines. We witness an awe-inspiring training montage, complete with dramatic slow-motion shots.But then abruptly, the credits roll: The movie concludes.
In the realm of personal growth, being trapped in this cliffhanger change trap prevents you from experiencing the true outcomes of your efforts. Without concrete goals, realistic timelines, and mechanisms for evaluating progress, it becomes nearly impossible to gauge success or make informed adjustments.
👉 The change fix: Structured reflection and evaluation
We need to reflect on and assess our progress. Specifically, we need to evaluate:
Regularly: We do that by implementing the clear timeframes. We schedule time (for instance, every week) to sit down, measure, and think.
Neutrally and curiously: Sometimes, “evaluation” can feel like “beating ourselves up for not doing the thing”. However, effective evaluation is about discernment, not harsh criticism. Self-compassion is key.
Using clear standards: We need to know what counts, and doesn’t count, as a behavior being completed.
Most people skip this part of the change process. Yet it might be the most important part.
All illustrations by Kratika Singhal
Before you go
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See you next Sunday! Take care.