How Expensive is Low Esteem?

Strategies for a More Confident You - Issue #141

Low self-esteem days happen. Be kind to yourself.

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Low self-esteem is a pervasive issue that affects millions of people worldwide. It is closely linked to mood, leading to a range of negative feelings such as sadness, shame, anxiety, fear, anger, loneliness, and even depression.

Illustration by Paweł Jońca

Understanding the effects of low self-esteem is crucial for addressing this issue and promoting overall well-being.

➶➶ Common Effects of Low Self-Esteem

1. Negative Feelings: Low self-esteem can lead to a plethora of negative emotions, including sadness, shame, anxiety, fear, anger, loneliness, and depression. These feelings can be overwhelming and difficult to manage.

2. Self-Loving: Individuals with low self-esteem often struggle with self-loathing, which can manifest in self-criticism and a lack of forgiveness. This can lead to difficulties in relationships and at work, as well as a lack of self-care.

3. Believing You Have Nothing to Offer: Low self-esteem can lead to a deep-seated sense of worthlessness, causing individuals to believe they have nothing valuable to contribute. This can result in feelings of loneliness, hesitation to engage, and repressed anger.

4. Difficulty Getting Motivated: A low self-esteem can make it challenging to find motivation, leading to feelings of being stuck and unable to achieve goals. This can negatively impact performance at work and home.

5. Obsession with Perfection: The pressure to be perfect can lead to constant feelings of failure and never being good enough. This can result in a cycle of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

6. Lowered Resilience: The effects of low self-esteem can be debilitating, leading to a sense of futility and hopelessness. This can make it difficult for individuals to bounce back from challenges and setbacks.

➶➶ Causes and Symptoms of Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem can stem from various factors, including childhood experiences, constant criticism, negative self-talk, and societal pressures. Children who are listened to and whose accomplishments and mistakes are both recognised and accepted, tend to evolve into more confident adults. If children are indoctrinated and experience ‘perfect’ child syndrome for their accomplishments or harsh criticism for the mistakes, they will most likely lack self-esteem as adults.

➶➶ Recognising the Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Identifying the symptoms of low self-esteem is the first step in addressing this issue. Here are some common signs to look out for:

• Sensitivity to Criticism: Do you find yourself becoming overly sensitive or defensive when receiving feedback or criticism, even if it's constructive?

• Social Avoidance: Do you tend to avoid social situations or isolate yourself, feeling uncomfortable or anxious in group settings?

• Negative Self-Talk: Are you constantly criticising yourself or doubting your abilities and worth?

• Difficulty Asserting Yourself: Do you struggle to stand up for yourself or express your needs and opinions openly?

• Lack of Confident Body Language: Do you have trouble maintaining eye contact or projecting a confident, open posture?

Low self-esteem can have significant negative effects on mental health, increasing the risk of depression, anxiety, and addiction. It can also impact relationships and overall quality of life.

➶➶ Steps (not in an order) for working on Self-Esteem

• Practice Self-Compassion: Challenge negative self-talk by replacing it with positive affirmations and avoid comparing oneself to others.

• Engage in Self-Care: Prioritise physical and mental well-being by getting adequate sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, and engaging in regular physical activity.

• Focus on Positives: Celebrate achievements, keep a record of accomplishments, and acknowledge compliments to cultivate a more positive self-image.

• Quit Comparing Yourself to Others: Comparing yourself to others might help your self-esteem, but it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Focus on your own strengths and accomplishments instead.

• Develop a List of Your Strengths: Write out a list of all the strengths you possess and then add to it as you recognise new ones. Post this list in a visible location to remind yourself of these strengths and qualities.

• Ask for Feedback from People Who Know and Appreciate You: One of the best ways to improve your self-image is to get honest and accurate feedback from people who know and value you. Fight the urge to discount this feedback and write it down to refer back to it at times you are struggling.

• Indulge in Activities You Enjoy: By indulging yourself in activities you love, you are communicating to yourself that you deserve to be treated well. This could include anything you enjoy like reading, going to a movie, seeing a friend, having a nap, playing with a pet, going for a walk, riding a bike, or getting a massage.

• Build Positive Relationships—and Avoid Negative Ones: You will probably find that there are certain people—and certain relationships—that make you feel better than others. If there are people who make you feel bad about yourself, try to avoid them. Build relationships with people who make you feel good about yourself.

• Give Yourself a Break: You don’t have to be perfect every hour of every day. You don’t even have to feel good about yourself all the time. Self-esteem varies from situation to situation, from day to day and hour to hour. Give yourself a break and avoid criticizing yourself too harshly.

• Become More Assertive and Learn to Say No: People with low self-esteem often find it hard to stand up for themselves or say no to others. Developing your assertiveness can help to improve your self-esteem. Sometimes acting as if you believed in yourself can actually help to increase self-belief!

• Improve Your Physical Health: It is much easier to feel good about ourselves when we are fit and healthy. However, people with low self-esteem often neglect themselves, because they do not feel that they ‘deserve’ to be looked after. Try to maintain a healthy lifestyle by eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.

• Celebrate Your Victories: Celebrate your successes, no matter how big or small. This can help to boost your self-esteem and reinforce positive self-talk.

• Practice Confident Posture: Practice confident posture by maintaining good eye contact, smiling, and standing straight. This can help to boost your self-confidence and improve your overall demeanour.

• Think of One Thing You’re Proud of Each Day: Think of one thing you’re proud of each day to improve and emphasise positivity. This can help to shift your focus away from negative thoughts and towards more positive aspects of your life.

• Seek Professional Help: If you’re still struggling after consistently trying these strategies for a few months, then seek professional mental health services as a next step. A mental health professional can help you develop a personalised plan to address your specific self-esteem challenges.

👉 Checking In with Susan David is a nice TED Audio Collective to listen on everything around Self Esteem, Compassion, fear etc. Susan is a psychologist at Harvard Medical School. 

Here is the link:👇https://www.youtube.com/playlistlist=PLAWu34VO7OtIM9HfOwL2CUMsg0KAp0D5q

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In case you missed previous issue on my journey of self discovery by running a marathon, here are the key highlights:

• Support and Encouragement: During the marathon, I realized that no one is a competitor. Everyone encourages and supports each other. This sense of camaraderie greatly enhanced the experience and made it more enjoyable and fulfilling.

• Overcoming Adversity: Despite severe calf pain and prior injuries, I pushed through and completed the race. This taught me that nothing is impossible and dreams can be achieved one step at a time, even in the face of physical and mental challenges.

• Value of Silence: Running without music allowed me to focus on my body and the race. This experience made me appreciate the quietness, which can be beneficial not just in running but in other aspects of life as well.

• Importance of Positivity and Confidence: Running with my head up and staying strong helped me maintain my pace. This serves as a metaphor for life, highlighting the importance of staying positive and confident to navigate challenges effectively.

• Power of Togetherness: Joining a group of runners provided me with the necessary encouragement to keep going. This taught me that while I might go fast alone, I can go far together, emphasizing the importance of community and mutual support.

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See you next on the twenty ninth Sunday of 2024. Take care!